Life after the baby is born is different and frustrating in many ways. There is one thing that many women mourn the loss of after having a baby--their sex drive. Susan Kellogg Spadt, CRNP, PhD, explains a few reasons why low sexual desire during months of breastfeeding can happen. First, both parents are fatigued and probably EXHAUSTED. Another reason for low sex desire during breastfeeding is because estrogen levels are lower and prolactin (milk making hormone) levels increase while breastfeeding. Also, nursing mother's may not have the desire for sex due to the frequent physical touch and contact with their baby.
It might be comical to some people when their OBGYN says after the baby is six weeks old, "You're all set--now go have sex!" In your mind you might think, "Ha--NO!" If a woman had an episiotomy, she may fear that sex will be painful. And let's be real, parents probably don't even feel like a functioning human being anymore! Scar tissue can be another factor why women aren't feeling as sexy or horny as they used to because that also impacts sex drive. Mama's might also miss the connection they used to have with their partner.
You as a mother might not feel like yourself for a long time. Your body has been through A LOT! Be patient with it and with yourself. The good news is that this won't last forever. You'll gradually find your way to your new normal.
Author and therapist, Esther Perel discussed how "Many women struggle to integrate sexuality and motherhood. Ours is a culture that equates maternal devotion with selflessness: self-sacrifice, self-abnegation, self-denial." Perel points out how mums oftentimes lose their freedom and independence--two components which are essential for sexual desire. Perel says it's crucial for women to reconnect with their "erotic self," which is separate from their maternal self. Adapting to family life while balancing time to find what makes you come alive is tricky. It is also salient for a mum's well-being to find fulfilling things outside of their motherhood identity. Please know that you are not alone and you are not broken. Talk to other mums about this and they will probably say, "Yeah, me too!"
In the meantime, find other ways to be intimate with your partner (if you have one). Read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski and take time out for yourself to do things you love by yourself and with friends. And in case no one has told you today, you are one sexy mama and a rockstar! You got this!
Warmly,
Sarah
Parenting Self-Care Tip of the Day:
Take the Enneagram Personality Test and discover more about yourself. Invite your partner to take it too and discuss it with each other afterwards.