Parenting is a HUGE adjustment and not for the faint of heart. Although it is meaningful and beautiful, no one realizes how brutal it can also be for a parent until they become one. Below are seven tips of how you as the non-milk-making partner, can help.
If the love of your life is breastfeeding, you can offer to get up to get the baby in the middle of the night and bring her or him (or them if you have twins) to your partner.
Do skin-to-skin with your baby. Even though you can't produce milk, skin-to-skin is extremely beneficial for you and your baby. This helps the baby regulate their emotions and can be soothing for them (and you). Skin-to-skin is also very important if you have adopted an infant. Even siblings can do skin-to-skin, especially if you have twins or triplets.
Take care of the baby and put them to sleep or do diaper duty during non-feeding times.
Instead of saying, "let me know if you need help" or "what do you need?" try to be proactive by seeing what needs to be done around the house and do it. And come up with three things that you think your partner may need at the time and ask them if you can do those things for them. For instance, you could say, "hey honey, you look tired, can I make you a smoothie or rub your feet or do you want to go rest while I take the kids to the park?" Sometimes the sleep-deprived mama doesn't know how you can help even though she does really need your help so it can make her feel more at ease when you give her options.
Your health matters too. Fathers experience anxiety, depression and burn out just like mom's do. It's just not often talked about. Make friends, schedule alone time and do things to keep your body healthy as you adjust to a new family life.
Make sure your partner gets alone time. Encourage her to go out and do something by herself or with friends at least once a week.
Read the article, You Should've Asked by Emma with your partner and have a discussion about your thoughts about it and how it can help you as a couple.
And, in case no one has told you today, you are a rock star and you are not alone! Take care of yourself. Share your hardships with your friends and partner. I know it's hard on you too. You got this.
Warmly,
Sarah
Parenting Self-Care Tip of the Day:
Go to individual therapy. Therapy for father's and spouses is normal and healthy. Sometimes we feel like we don't need to go to therapy unless there is a crisis. But when we look at therapy as also a preventative measure, we and our families thrive because we are being proactive in taking care of ourselves. Everyone needs therapy at some point in their lives. For more info on what you should expect in therapy, watch this video by Kati Morton, a Licensed Therapist. And click here for another video by Kati about what you can expect during your first therapy appointment. If you aren't insured and if finances are tight, ask for a sliding fee scale or look up therapists on Open Path or Better Help Counseling.